What if I’m not ready for therapy yet?

On average, people wait 6 years after the start of an issue before initiating therapy and in my experience, I find this to be true. No one runs to therapy, it really takes a lot of soul-searching to reach out. Even after making an appointment, there is a lot of nervousness about coming to your first appointment. Starting therapy is HARD. And scary! If you just don’t feel up for it yet, that’s okay. Really! Going to therapy when you aren’t ready won’t yield the results you’re looking for. You’ll feel frustrated and pressured to make changes that you’re not committed to.

So, you’re not ready to start therapy, but you are dissatisfied with some aspect of your life. Maybe you’re stressed about your performance at work, there’s distance in a relationship that’s important to you, or there has been so much going on lately you don’t even know where to begin! It doesn’t really matter what the specific details are, there are a few things that can start creating some relief for you right now.

 

• Get back to basics. I focus a lot on sleep, diet, and exercise with my clients and constantly refer to them as the “low hanging fruit.” Have you been getting a full 8 hours of sleep each night? How many meals a day do you eat? When was the last time you exercised? These three things all require commitment and time. You’ll notice a change quickly once you get your physical body back into good health.
  • Get 8 hours of sleep each night.
  • Eat throughout the day, 3 meals or 6 small meals.
  • Drink 64 oz. of water a day.
  • Get 15-20 minutes of cardiovascular exercise a few times a week.
  • Take a multivitamin.
  • Schedule your annual checkup and dental cleaning.

 

• Start a relaxation practice. Find 5-10 minutes each day that you can carve out for quiet. In this time, focus only on your breathe and your body. Let your brain get a chance to pause and turn off all the noise.
  • Focus on your breathe and where you feel it in your body.
  • Your mind will wander, that’s okay. When you notice it, let the thought pass and return to your breathe.
  • Try to inhale to a count of 4, hold for a count of 7, and exhale to a count of 8. Count fast if you need to, it’s the ratio that matters.
  • Make sure others know that you can’t be interrupted.
  • If possible, go somewhere outside where it is quiet.
  • Unplug from your phone and technology – even if it’s only 30 minutes.
  • If you’re spiritual, you can incorporate prayer or meditation.

 

• Get clarity on your own. One of the best ways to do some exploration about what is bothering you is to write. Get out a notepad and pen and start with “I want….” Don’t stop writing until you’ve written at least one full page. It’s important to write versus type so that you can slow your racing thoughts to the speed of your hand. Writing extensively forces us to push beyond our comfort and typical conclusions.
  • Dedicate a notebook for your thoughts.
  • Schedule a regular time to write, either every day or a 3-4 times a week.
  • Write when you are alone.
  • Don’t worry about grammar or neatness.

 

• Start a small project. This can be something around your home or in your community. It doesn’t need to be expensive. It can be as simple as gathering donations, hanging up new artwork, painting something, an organization project, or starting a small challenge among your friends or co-workers.

 

• Spread kindness. It may seem counterintuitive to turn outwards when we are struggling, but research shows that practicing kindness can boost your overall life satisfaction. An act of kindness can be as small as a smile to a passerby, picking up coffee for a co-worker, delivering a meal to a friend, or a call to check in with someone you love.

 

• Set a small goal. Think of something that you can accomplish in the next couple of weeks and make a plan about how you’ll do it. Pick something that you can master and get excited about. For example, train for a 5K or read 1 book a month. Think of the activities you are passionate about and find a goal within that. Having direction and purpose that will culminate fairly soon should be a strong motivator.

 

Lastly, set a timetable. Try out some of the above techniques, which may take some time. Give yourself a check-in date to ask yourself where you are. Have things changed? Have you been feeling lighter? If you have tried all or just a few, but still don’t feel much relief, consider whether or not it would be a good time to ask a professional for help. Mental health professionals can offer new perspectives and coping skills that you haven’t tried. Starting therapy is hard, but carrying on burdensome feelings is even harder.

 

If you’re still not sure, give me a call. I’d love to help you sort through it.